Jetta, did I tell you about the photos I found on my mom's computer?
nope
good stuff?
Before I continue, got any pepto?
I had to pour bleach into my eyes.
I was supposed to be finding some pictures of the kids that we didn't have at home.
Instead I found what my mom posts to her "romance" and "dating" sites.
My eyes. My eyes. Oh my GAWD my EYES.
The horror.
I was like "Mom, you can't be lying about your age. I'm sorry, I think they can tell, and if they can't then maybe they have issues."
I don't think you can be in your early to mid 40s and have a son that is 36. Sorry.
I know this is KY, but there are some things even Spielberg can't stretch that much fantasy into.

On the lighter side, the mold on the bread should act as penicillin to counteract the food poisoning I may contract from the food my mom gave us.
Speaking of which, we're going over to my mom's place on New Year's Day.
I'm starting out the New Year with ptomaine [sic], or maybe just some simple botulism.

I wonder if I can get the wife to run out to Taco Bell.
I doubt it.
But, I think I can try
Denied.
Damn.
I wonder if there is anything edible in this house.
What we had for dinner passed for mostly edible.

I just wanted to let you know that unlike Justin Timberlake I am not bringing sexy back.
I'm leaving it where it is at.
Oh, and my blog has between 1 and 2 billion readers.
I can make 3 people sound like a lot, can't I?

A while back I did a comparison of the advantages of living with my mom vs. living with my wife and kids.
The mom won, because she does my laundry and cooks but lost points for trying to poison me with her cooking.

When you scream out "I gotta poop!" in the middle of a restaurant, you get strange looks when you do it and you are 36. If you're only 3 no one cares.

I was helping one of the kids with their reading homework tonight.
There is a moment when they need help pronouncing a word, something like "dipper" and for a moment you want to tell them something like "flooglehorn" instead of the correct pronunciation.
I think that is the defining moment of being a parent, when you do what is right instead of what will be hilarious for years to come.
Or, hilarious to you up until the divorce proceedings.

I've been in California, and thus without contact with society, and people and stuff.

My wife bought new tires for my car.
The tires are worth more than the car, I think.
A full tank of gas and the new tires makes the car worth about 125% of blue book value.
It's an old '95 Saturn SL2.
It, like its owner, is quite the l-u-v MOsheen.
er, love machine.

Flying didn't kill me.

Going to CA didn't kill me.

My mom invited me over for lunch on Sunday.

She wanted to attempt to accomplish what Delta and nature couldn't.

I was on a conference call today, I swear nothing happened because each thing was "solved" by one of the vague terms.
Oh, and another good term was "peer review". Someone wanted a typo corrected, and someone else said it'd have to pass peer review before it could be changed.
It was an obvious typo. There now has to be a meeting to correct a misspelling.

I really want to be management. I want to be in meetings all day, and when asked to do something I'll simply say vague things like "Table for later", "take it off-line" or "outside of scope".

I also like other phrases like "We need to push through this and get to the next item" and "Folks, stick to the agenda" and "Go on, we'll roundtable at the end" then you make sure time runs out before you finish and can open to the teleconference or room for questions.

I did make it to the beach.
I have this to say about the beach.
Fat chicks shouldn't wear spandex.
Fat chicks shouldn't wear belly shirts, either.

Coming back I had a layover in Atlanta, GA.
They know how to make sweet tea down there.
It is the south after all.
I took one sip.
The doctors were able to pull me out of the diabetic coma just in time for the second swig.
Only in "The South" can you get real, genuine sweet tea and good biscuits and gravy.

At the airport they say to keep an eye on your luggage.
What happens when you blink?
You've violated the policy.
For a moment you weren't looking at your luggage.
Anything could have happened to it.
So, you're lying to the people when you said your luggage hasn't been out of your sight.
It has been, it has been possibly hundreds of times.

Time to go help the kids with homework, or some such nonsense.
I wanted to marry 'em off by now, but the wife said no.

The wife is in the shower, now where is the digital camera.
hhmmm.
[Aka] yes, we want pix
I'll go ask, and see what she says.
[Aka] don't ask, do
She said if we stayed married for 20 years then I could see her nekkid.
[Aka] it's easier to ask forgiveness than for permission
I'm anxiously awaiting for that day.
At least you have an exit strategy
[Aka] didn't you learn that as a kid? If you ask permission they almost always say no. But if you do it, then say you're sorry, you get away with it.
Well, I didn't want to take any pictures that might be in competition with her web site.

Uh oh, we're out of toilet paper.
The dog is steering clear of me, as well.
Dang, there goes that idea.

Well, you do have that problem and we don't talk about it because we are polite.
And by problem I mean gambling.
And by gambling I really mean bed wetting.
But, we're a polite group of people here so we don't discuss it in those terms.
So, if we say "pointwood gambled all over the place last night" it sounds better.
You're a gambler, pointwood.

When we take the blog public there is going to be money, money I tell you.
The IPO will be huge.
Pointwood will have goats coming out his arse and everything.
* Battlemaxx waits for that last statement to totally get twisted to something way beyond manageable.
So, get busy and post some stuff, go back and check the logs from the weekend.
Mine that data for humorous nuggets and witty tidbits.
We need the fundage.
I'm only $80 away from $50.

I'm scheduled the fly out of the airport where the airplane crash happened a couple of months ago.
And, I'm flying on the same kind of plane.
I'm going to get kicked off the flight because I'm going to be the one yelling out "Check the compass! Check the runway! Go fast, go faster!"

Went over to pick my mom up.
I think she'd make a good Jewish mom in some respects.
She's like "Here, eat something."
I'm thinking "You've tried to kill me a few times already with that trick, lady. I'm not falling for it again."
She offered me some soup, then some pizza.
I finally looked at my wife and said I was going to go sit in the car.

I once got advice from the future.
Actually, a friend of mine asked me if 36 year old me had any advice that he would give to 26 year old me and I said sure.
He pressed and I said, first: don't ask the wife to participate in a three way, it'll anger her.
Second, she won't dig the back door action either, so don't go there.
Third, pretty much anything you'll suggest she'll shoot down, be thankful for what you get, take it and relish it just don't ask if you can put relish on it.
He got tired of that line of advice, and meant other things.
So then I said, I'd tell him to do the following: getting a teaching certificate, buy a helluva lot of Apple stock and lose 20 pounds and keep it off

So I stayed home today, didn't think the plumbing at work could support my needs.
I believe that effort alone should merit employee of the month considerations.
One of the guys at work reads the blog, and relays the various musings to some of our co-workers and others in the building.
So, this is for him. "Hi, John. Your sister is *HOT*"
:)
Also, click the ads. We need the revenue.

It's not like I'm Mel Gibson.
Well, to my wife I am.
She's blind.
I lie.

I once sit a post card to my dad, it was a picture of the earth, on the back I wrote "Wish you were here".
He didn't get the joke.
I also sent him one that was all black, and was stamped "Night time in Kentucky".
He didn't appreciate that one, either.

My mom is trying to kill me.
Round two of mom's dinner has struck back.
There isn't enough toilet paper in this town, I swear.

I am trying to convince the three year old she needs to go to bed.
She won't go to bed, and keeps babbling.
I think she may have a career in politics.
She promises to go to bed, but never actually makes it there.
When I ask her, she babbles some more and stands on her head.

Well, we're over at my mom's place.
I hung the new window shades for her, the ones that she broke are in the trash.
I don't think she'll notice I put the new ones up for her, and predict later this week I'll have e-mail from her asking me to come over and install the new ones.
I've even left the plastic on the new ones, and the warning tags to see if she'll notice.

So, asked the kids if they wanted to go get pancakes.
They said no, they want to finish playing. They said they had some important stuff to do before we go out.
I walked out, they went back to playing and I overheard one say to the other "What were we doing?"
I think I have potential management candidates in my midst.

One perk to doing the laundry, the wife's undies or should I say knockers, er knockers, damn. Er, knockers.
Damn, guess I know what is on my mind.
I meant to say knickers but kept hitting the "o" key.
I wonder if the wife would like to see my "o" face?
*nods to Office Space*

But, I woke up and they weren't out of their rooms, yet.
But, it seems that my morning will be spent dealing with urine.
The dog wet my bad, and that is my story and I am sticking to it.
Well, I'm no longer sticking to it since I got up, cleaned up the mess and took a shower.
er, bed not bad.
The dog did not wet my bad.
My bad is still dry.
Man, there is a mountain of laundry to be put away and another one that needs to be washed and dried then put away.
I don't know how my wife does it all.
I think she uses magic.
Or, maybe she has an assistant.

The kids are telling me they are hungry.
These kids have chowed down all day.
They each had toast sticks or whatever you call them at Burger King, and finished off the meat on my "big ass meat, egg and cheese" sandwich before I could get to it.
They had a hot dog, chips, string cheese and a 20 oz. water for lunch, each.
They polished off dinnner.
These girls are six, and going to eat me out of house and home.
I'd better introduce them to the concept of an eating disorder sooner than planned.
The middle child came over, said she was hungry and wanted some turkey from the Thanksgiving.
I told her where to find it.
She started making a plate of turkey and cranberry sauce and asked about a second helping of cake.
I bribed them into coming over to my mom's by offering them cake.
It worked on their mom many, many years ago and thought I would try it with these two.

But, I miss my wife.
And, I'm not sure I'm cut out to do the single parent thing.
The kids are playing atm.
I'm not sure what to do with them after they get bored with playing in their room.
There's only so much tv I can have them watch.
Wait, I don't know what that limit is, maybe I need to find it.
And, it is too soon to have them get ready for bed.
It's funny, we played board games earlier.
Each one of them "bent the rules" for the game they picked. They'd play the game the other picked by the rules, but when we played their game I noticed that things changed.
Chutes and Ladders almost resulted in a fist fight.

Well, I've got the wife and youngest gone so the dog and the twins depend on me instead of mommy to take care of things.
So, I was awakened by the basset hound so she could inform me she urinated on the carpet downstairs by the tv and not to step in it later.
Then the middle child (by one minute) came in and woke me up to watch PBS (public/educational tv).

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay, honey" he says, "they're definitely coming for Thanksgiving ... and paying their own way."

I think the wife is getting lucky tonight.
I shall dine on sushi, watch a movie and fall asleep before I can bust a sweet move on her.
I've got some sweet moves.

[From everyone in #distributed] HAPPY BIRTHDAY BATTLEMAXX!

* pointwood still have a headache
Wow, you have a headache and I didn't even ask you for sex.
It's like we're already married or something.
If you make fish for dinner so help me I'm going ballistic.

Well, the six year olds were put to bed a little after 6 this evening.
We were going to go out, they through a fit getting into the car so I yanked them out and sent them into the house and then went in, told them to suit up for bed, brush teeth and get out of my sight.
I assume they are in bed.
Or maybe out drinking.
Either way, they are quiet.

Yo!
My wife is mad at me.
She did the most horrible thing she can do to me legally.
I can't believe it.
She took the tv remote with her when she went shopping.

I could have been an actor, but I wound up her.
er, here.
I am not a her.
I think.
If I was, I would never leave home.
I'd just stay in, and stare at my boobs all day.
Kind of like what Jetta does most of the time. :)
He stares at my boobs.
I think.

So, where were we?
Oh yeah.
blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah
random spewage of non-interesting crap
rant about my mom
bitch about my wife's cooking
off joke about the kids
Yeah, that's about it.

One of my daughters is sitting with me now.
[Jetta] hi!
-- Battlemaxx has left this server (Read error: Connection reset by peer).
-- Battlemaxx has joined this channel
Yo!
One of the six year olds is here with me, now.
Her knee met the power button.
We went poof.
Now we're back.
I'll need Jetta to put on some pants, btw.

I may sleep.
Or, organize my belly button lint.

You can spend many a moment enjoying that frothy goodness my friends.
Actually, I have no friends.
Well, I do.
I just generally have to rent them.
By the hour.

So, if I go take a Microsoft exam on December 7th, do I bomb it or do I go to a Japanese restaurant after the exam and get bombed?
[Jetta] the later
Ya know, that would be a good name for a band. "The Later"
Coming up "The Later"
but first, "The Later"
We shall call our band "The Later"

So, I was thinking the first album from the band would be called "gun bullet head bang"
The sophmoric effort would be called something more subtle like "Still bangin' your mom"

My three year old made this foul, reaking stuff in her little potty earlier today.
We had to call Homeland Security, a priest, the Tidy Bowl man and waste management to come handle it.
It was bad.
I was like what do you feed the kid?
My wife was like, fish.

Slept about 12 hours, feel like I could sleep twelve more.
When I went to bed last night I told the wife to set the alarm to make sure I woke up in time to go to work on Monday morning.
I've been up, devoured a breakfast of pancakes and bacon and now feel like I'm ready to go back to bed.
I think that pillow over there and I have some issues to resolve, and I need to make my case known.

Well, I'm back.
The festival was fine.
Kids were out of tickets within a few minutes.
[Silicon] Battlemaxx: Did they eat them?
[Silicon] Kids do that. Sometimes
No, but we almost lost one up a nose.
But, thankfully the wife pulled it out of my nostril just in time.
Kid, not ticket, that is.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Well, the fish for dinner was rather...well...let's say I miss the meatloaf.
Apparently crap, er carp is cheap so she buys nasty fish.
We don't save money.
No one eats it.
So, I suggested that we just not buy groceries at all instead of inedible crap.
The kids can eat at school a couple times a day and fill up before they come home, or something.

So, I get home and find the first graders wearing makeup.
Someone on the bus decided to "do" them.
I looked at them, looked at their mom and made a comment about which street corner I was supposed to stick them on tonight and that my wife should dress them warmly.
I'm in trouble.
I got sent to my room.
Which is okay with me.
The wife is making fish for dinner tonight.
I said, "Fish for dinner, eh?"
and followed with "What's for snack later?"
I'm in more trouble.

The three year old has set up camp in the "big bed", and declared martial law.
I better not cross Grand Marshal Elmo, or else the Teddy Bear Shock Troops will dispatch me.

I had a caller today, asked me "Did I call the right place?"
I said "I don't know, you dialed the phone."
My wife either loves me, or hates me.
She gave me a chicken tv dinner for lunch today.

The wife's dinner wasn't especially edible tonight.
I thought she went to the grocery store today.
Apparently the store was out of "food".
Either that or she went to the new grocery store "Craptown", or maybe she was in a hurry and went to "Craptown Express".
Do you think they sell Hot Pockets?
Either they were out of food, or she did the grocery shopping at AutoZone again.
When Warrant sang the song "Cherry Pie", for some reason I don't think they were speaking of the pastry filled with fruit.

My wife and I were having a contest earlier, we were trying to name 50 fruits.
My entry of "George Bush, supposed president" was rejected.

Had sauerkraut for dinner.
Wife said we were having german for dinner, I said I wouldn't mind a little german later, either. :)
Guess where her family is from... :)

ok wife made dinner
or, as someone such as myself might call it, the crap I'm having tomorrow on my lunch break that I didn't care for last night
or something along those lines.
I got all excited, she said she was making mac and cheese.
She lied.
She made some sort of pasta or shell and goop stuff.

[Silicon] regarding the lunch blog post...
Geez, everyone is a critic.
The guy at work asked me about it, as well.
I told him the wife is on a cold streak.
She can cook well, but lately she is making McDonald's look like gourmet.
I don't know what her deal is, but I'll ask her and we'll go from there.
But, usually my asking is something like "Do I make enough money to buy groceries?" to which she replies "No, not really."
From there it becomes something like me telling her to start to cook or else I'm going to eat on the way home.
and, she usually starts making better stuff.

then later:
I've never wanted to hang up on a group of callers as I have the recent three.
"My boss said his Blackberry doesn't work and wants me to call so you can fix it." -- Umm, what's wrong with it? "I don't know, he said it doesn't work right."
Guy calls, sounds like he is calling from metal shop, and I tell him I can't hear him.
Another guy calls, tells me his account is locked then proceeds to read the EPHD one time numbers off to me. He rattles off 20 or more before I can stop him.

I sent this to a co-worker earlier:
Every day I die a little bit more:
Today I've had the following calls:
"When I cable my Blackberry up to my computer, it says device connected. Why is that?"
I'm on the order page to order a Blackberry, do I need to fill out the form if I want to order a Blackberry?"
"My mouse doesn't work."
I'm dying here.

I was telling my wife that the cubicle life is like an isolation chamber for me and by the end of the day I crave human contact and just want to have a normal conversation with someone.
[Jetta] then you come here?! O_o
True.

I made a comment out loud that someone was getting lucky tonight.
One of my daughters asked who.
I said "Me!"
The daughter asked why I was getting lucky.
I said "I get to sleep with mommy tonight!"
My daughter said "That's not lucky, you get to do that every night!" and was disappointed that it wasn't something cool.

I was heading to bed, but then the wife said my girlfriend had to go home.
So, that kind of nixed the bed plan.
[...]
Yeah, it was kind of weird.
I'd bring a date home, we'd be making out and then it would get weird with the wife sitting at the other end of the couch staring at us kind of awkwardly.

So, have we made $2 on the blog, yet.
I want to spend my share on porn.
I know my share wouldn't be much, but I wouldn't need much porn.
er, I mean.
Nevermind.

I took the six year olds to cheer practice.
It is not recommended that you yell out "Shake your moneymakers" to them during their dance routine.

My wife made "monkey bread" for dessert.
She didn't use fresh monkey. :(

Yo!
I am renaming lunch to something more descriptive like "that meal made up of the crap you had last night and didn't like the first time around"

I just got back from Wal-Mart.
We've got culture there.
Southern culture...
...on the skids...
You ever feel bad about yourself, go to Wal-Mart.
Someone there is worse off than you.
Guaranteed.
If you're a dyslexic, anorexic, one-eyed ex-Gestapo amputee, they've got an albino, dyslexic, anorexic, one-eyed ex-Gestapo amputee somewhere in the store.
If you're obese, they've got someone there twice your size carrying around a Big Gulp and the economy 55 lb. drum of dorito chips.

Uh oh, the wife is trying to get me in the mood.
She just brought me KFC.

I've played a bit of WoW.
I want to be a Chinese gold farmer when I grow up.

[Aka] how would you pronounce ASRock? would you say A.S Rock ? or Azrock? or would you say it like I do, Assrock?
Assrock.
I'm not sure if it sounds like some kind of anal-sex avant-garde performance group, a cool title for a band, or maybe just what my wife's butt does...

A friend of mine was served at the drive thru the other day by some dude with a big OUTLAW tattoo on his arm.
My buddy was like, "Hell yeah! Raising hell at Mickey Dee's, throw out some extra salt packets and napkins be damned. I'M AN OUTLAW!"

Man, I've got to get the wife to stop putting her pictures up on the Internet.
Well, at least the free sites.
We need the income.

So, while at McDonald's the guy who waited on me was "goth". All black, all black nails, all black hair, etc, etc.
I thought it was funny.
You're goth, and you're selling burgers for the man.
You gotta eat, I guess.

So the twins got their report cards for the first time for first grade today.
They brought them home, we looked them over.
My wife and I decided that as a treat we would take them out to dinner because they did so well on them.
One girl is doing well in math, the other with reading.
In any case, we told them we'd go out and they could pick.
So, the two conferenced with their younger sister and picked McDonald's as the restaurant of choice.
I told my wife we're not helping them with their homework any more.

Going on a job interview is like urinating in your bath tub, it takes care of something but leaves a mess someone has to deal with

So this guy at work is going as me for Halloween.
He's giving up bathing, and shaving, and washing his hair and is going to wear the same shirt to work for several days at a time in preparation.
I don't get it.

I have decided I am going to answer the phone at work "King of Norway, what does my loyal subject request?"
I think it flows better.

I tried to make my wife laugh today.
I went for the cheap laugh.
I dropped my pants.
I guess you could say I might have made a "small" joke.

The wife and kids are going to her parents tomorrow for the rest of the week.
The wife decided to cook and leave me some food so my mom wouldn't give her a hard time.
I pointed out to my wife that leaving stuff for me to eat implied it was edible in the first place.
This did not sit well with her.
Her lasagna didn't sit well with me, either.
She was like "It'll be better after it sits."
I'm thinking, it'll be gone after you're gone.
The dog is lucky, she is going with them and won't have to survive on the lasagna while "mommy" is gone.
My wife was like "I'm leaving food for you while we're gone." and I was like "Taco Bell?"
She told me I couldn't go out while they were gone.
Party at my place while they are gone.
Be sure to bring food, though.

Don't you hate it when you have a 15 minute break and an 18 minute poop-a-thon

Yo!
So, my mom sent me e-mail. She wants to make sure I don't starve while the wife is out of town.
My mom isn't much of a cook, though.
She thinks fabric softener is an ingredient in meatloaf.
I think she gave me food poisoning twice while I was living with her, but lost count.
Well, I don't think she gave it to me so much as made it available.

My wife lost out, all the other womenz got together and said "Look, someone has to marry him. We got together and picked you. So, you take him out of the loop and we'll make it up to you later."
She's still waiting.
She checks her e-mail, the mailbox and phone all the time.
She calls them, they don't call her back.

Time to duct tape up the kids and go out with the wife.

If a three year old runs up to you and licks you, it is kind of a novelty and cute.
A little icky, but not bad.
If grandma runs up to you and licks you, it's just pretty disgusting.

Yo!
If a three year old runs bottomless through Wal-Mart, it is kind of cute and funny.
If grandma does it, it is sad and there is a pretty good chance law enforcement will get involved.

My three year old was yelling at me and treating me poorly.
I told her to stop, that she was doing mommy's job.

It's customer awareness week, or maybe customer service week or some such nonsense.
Monday was red and purple day.
Today was hawaiian shirt day.
Tomorrow is cowboy day.
Thursday is hillbilly day and Friday is red shirt day.
Tomorrow I'm just going to walk around going "I can't quit you, [yournamehere] " to people since I don't have a cowboy outfit.
I asked if one of the days was "take a call, do a shot" day.
They sent me back to talk to HR.

We should take up a collection and buy him a woman.
or, rent him one.
or maybe find him one that is rent to own
I'm on the rent to own plan, I think.
She won't tell me the terms of the agreement, though.
So, I never know for sure.

If the wife doesn't tell you the rules, then she can yell at you when you break them or don't follow them.
It is written in the Geneva convention, I do believe.

I'm trying to work on a really, really good whilden comment that'll be funny.
But, whilden is just funny.
You could write the word "whilden" up there, and let people draw their own conclusions.
It'd work.
but, then we'd probably have to pay him some royalties or something.
I pick on him. He never calls, he never writes.
Someone should teach him to call and write some time.

If you poop in the shower, someone has to clean it up.

Actually, do Republicans come from anal sex or is that just lawyers?

My mom is griping about her retirement fund from the state and what they've done to it.
I told her she has a plan.
Mine is just to die at work so they have to carry me to the dumpster.

We had to come over to my mom's place, to borrow some hair stuff.
The wife discovered lice, or cooties or bed bugs or something and now we have to search each strand of hair on everyone's head.
It got weird at the mall, I tell you.
That was before the wife said she meant the search was for family only
But, I did get six phone numbers and four of them were from women.
One of the other phone numbers is pretty old, it was just "6".

Remember the forgotten hero who saved the world
I saw that article earlier, and I saw some of the other supposed "20 closest moment" for the end of the world.
Personally, I thought the end of the world was the final season of Roseanne.
or, maybe it was when the Spice Girls second album was released.

Oh, and for those of you that have been wondering I've scrapped the scab project on my arm.
The wife vetoed the activity, didn't think it was "healthy".
She also made my put my pants back on.

The other night at cheerleading practice I made one of the moms laugh at me, and I didn't have to take off my pants.
My daughter wanted me to tell her a story while we waited.
So I did.
I told her the beginning of Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope.
The mom overheard me and I had to explain the different episodes and titles to her.
I'm like "This is Star Wars. This is like the bible and stuff. You should know it."
But, I bet I can't get the school board to hang the Tarkin Doctrine on the wall next to the Ten Commandments at school.

My wife thinks it is funny that there is a blog out there that people put stuff that I say on because they find it funny.
The only time she laughs at me is when I take my pants off.
At least with you guys I can leave them on.
'cept seldon keeps undressing me with his eyes, the freak.

Fscking hell.
One of the six year olds decided it was craft time.
So now I have fscking glue and glitter all over the damn kitchen.
The three year old got scissors and did with them what she always does, she mutilates her hair.
Fsck. Fsck. Fsck.
Oh well.
I'll be back later, if the wife lets me.

My wife worries when she hears the kids screaming.
I take it as a good sign, it means they are still getting oxygen.
[...]
Oh well.
Now they are quiet.
HOLY SHIT

Uh oh, three year got a boo boo.
But, the crisis has been averted.
Umm, she walked past the fan and she is bottomless and she was all like "oooo" and backed her butt up to it.
I suggested to my wife she try that later, but she didn't go for it.
If a three year old does it, it is cute.
If you suggest your wife do it, you're a letch.
Or, if you suggest she do it with her best friend and let you watch you're a perv.
But, you have to ask.
You just have to, it is out there.
You know it, she knows it, and her best friend knows it and hopefully wants it and will let you watch.

Yo!
Two things.
First, a Leatherman is not a personal grooming aid.
Second, most hunting and sporting good places do not carry what you would call "marital" aids.

I'm guarding the door, making sure the three year old doesn't escape.
She's tricky.
She's part ferret, I think.
She's also half-German which makes me worry.

Maybe I can post my "NFL Survivor" weekly thing there.
Great, now I have to live up to certain expectations.
First myspace, now blogpost.
What's next, a wiki article or sleeping in my car (again)?

I have this bump on my arm.
Well, it was a bump until I picked at it.
Now it is an ugly, open sore.
I wonder if I can pick my arm off via it.