Happy Mother's Day!
Tonight, my wife is doing what made her a mom in the first place.
Tequila shots!

So, the four year old is running around the house naked, humming the theme from the Smurfs tv show.

I just had a customer ask me if lower case was the same as small upper case letters. I honestly didn't know how to respond. So I said "uurrr" or something equally intelligent.

It is definitely Monday.

I told my wife I wished she was a pothead.
That way we'd always have better and more snacks around the house.

So, today at work I was helping someone who used English as a fifth language apparently.
I was speaking with them, and pressing the "1" on my phone.
They asked me what the beeping was, and I said it was my phone.
They asked why it was making that noise.
I said I was pressing "1" for English.

Well, I tried to sniff the wife.
She whacked my nose with a rolled up newspaper.

The four year old is playing with an old Barbie corvette that once belonged to my wife.
The four year old has a Barbie in the passenger seat, and a stuffed hedgehog toy that belongs to the dog is behind the wheel.
Apparently the barbie doll likes it FREAKIE.

My four year old has figured out yet another way to torture me.
She runs after me trying to kiss me.
But, she does it while wearing coconut lip gloss.
I don't like coconut.

I figured out a way to get my wife to do the laundry and put it away.
I wear her underwear.
When she runs out, she launders stuff.
She sees me in 'em, and does two things.
Laundry and diet.

So, I have a new line to use.
Tonight I was like, "Can I have ice cream from Baskin Robbins?"
My wife said no.
I said "But my dad died today"
She then said yes.
So now I'm going to ask her for a puppy, and see if I have to play the trump card or not.