So I stayed home today, didn't think the plumbing at work could support my needs.
I believe that effort alone should merit employee of the month considerations.
One of the guys at work reads the blog, and relays the various musings to some of our co-workers and others in the building.
So, this is for him. "Hi, John. Your sister is *HOT*"
:)
Also, click the ads. We need the revenue.

It's not like I'm Mel Gibson.
Well, to my wife I am.
She's blind.
I lie.

I once sit a post card to my dad, it was a picture of the earth, on the back I wrote "Wish you were here".
He didn't get the joke.
I also sent him one that was all black, and was stamped "Night time in Kentucky".
He didn't appreciate that one, either.

My mom is trying to kill me.
Round two of mom's dinner has struck back.
There isn't enough toilet paper in this town, I swear.

I am trying to convince the three year old she needs to go to bed.
She won't go to bed, and keeps babbling.
I think she may have a career in politics.
She promises to go to bed, but never actually makes it there.
When I ask her, she babbles some more and stands on her head.

Well, we're over at my mom's place.
I hung the new window shades for her, the ones that she broke are in the trash.
I don't think she'll notice I put the new ones up for her, and predict later this week I'll have e-mail from her asking me to come over and install the new ones.
I've even left the plastic on the new ones, and the warning tags to see if she'll notice.

So, asked the kids if they wanted to go get pancakes.
They said no, they want to finish playing. They said they had some important stuff to do before we go out.
I walked out, they went back to playing and I overheard one say to the other "What were we doing?"
I think I have potential management candidates in my midst.

One perk to doing the laundry, the wife's undies or should I say knockers, er knockers, damn. Er, knockers.
Damn, guess I know what is on my mind.
I meant to say knickers but kept hitting the "o" key.
I wonder if the wife would like to see my "o" face?
*nods to Office Space*

But, I woke up and they weren't out of their rooms, yet.
But, it seems that my morning will be spent dealing with urine.
The dog wet my bad, and that is my story and I am sticking to it.
Well, I'm no longer sticking to it since I got up, cleaned up the mess and took a shower.
er, bed not bad.
The dog did not wet my bad.
My bad is still dry.
Man, there is a mountain of laundry to be put away and another one that needs to be washed and dried then put away.
I don't know how my wife does it all.
I think she uses magic.
Or, maybe she has an assistant.

The kids are telling me they are hungry.
These kids have chowed down all day.
They each had toast sticks or whatever you call them at Burger King, and finished off the meat on my "big ass meat, egg and cheese" sandwich before I could get to it.
They had a hot dog, chips, string cheese and a 20 oz. water for lunch, each.
They polished off dinnner.
These girls are six, and going to eat me out of house and home.
I'd better introduce them to the concept of an eating disorder sooner than planned.
The middle child came over, said she was hungry and wanted some turkey from the Thanksgiving.
I told her where to find it.
She started making a plate of turkey and cranberry sauce and asked about a second helping of cake.
I bribed them into coming over to my mom's by offering them cake.
It worked on their mom many, many years ago and thought I would try it with these two.

But, I miss my wife.
And, I'm not sure I'm cut out to do the single parent thing.
The kids are playing atm.
I'm not sure what to do with them after they get bored with playing in their room.
There's only so much tv I can have them watch.
Wait, I don't know what that limit is, maybe I need to find it.
And, it is too soon to have them get ready for bed.
It's funny, we played board games earlier.
Each one of them "bent the rules" for the game they picked. They'd play the game the other picked by the rules, but when we played their game I noticed that things changed.
Chutes and Ladders almost resulted in a fist fight.

Well, I've got the wife and youngest gone so the dog and the twins depend on me instead of mommy to take care of things.
So, I was awakened by the basset hound so she could inform me she urinated on the carpet downstairs by the tv and not to step in it later.
Then the middle child (by one minute) came in and woke me up to watch PBS (public/educational tv).

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay, honey" he says, "they're definitely coming for Thanksgiving ... and paying their own way."

I think the wife is getting lucky tonight.
I shall dine on sushi, watch a movie and fall asleep before I can bust a sweet move on her.
I've got some sweet moves.

[From everyone in #distributed] HAPPY BIRTHDAY BATTLEMAXX!

* pointwood still have a headache
Wow, you have a headache and I didn't even ask you for sex.
It's like we're already married or something.
If you make fish for dinner so help me I'm going ballistic.

Well, the six year olds were put to bed a little after 6 this evening.
We were going to go out, they through a fit getting into the car so I yanked them out and sent them into the house and then went in, told them to suit up for bed, brush teeth and get out of my sight.
I assume they are in bed.
Or maybe out drinking.
Either way, they are quiet.

Yo!
My wife is mad at me.
She did the most horrible thing she can do to me legally.
I can't believe it.
She took the tv remote with her when she went shopping.

I could have been an actor, but I wound up her.
er, here.
I am not a her.
I think.
If I was, I would never leave home.
I'd just stay in, and stare at my boobs all day.
Kind of like what Jetta does most of the time. :)
He stares at my boobs.
I think.

So, where were we?
Oh yeah.
blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah
random spewage of non-interesting crap
rant about my mom
bitch about my wife's cooking
off joke about the kids
Yeah, that's about it.

One of my daughters is sitting with me now.
[Jetta] hi!
-- Battlemaxx has left this server (Read error: Connection reset by peer).
-- Battlemaxx has joined this channel
Yo!
One of the six year olds is here with me, now.
Her knee met the power button.
We went poof.
Now we're back.
I'll need Jetta to put on some pants, btw.

I may sleep.
Or, organize my belly button lint.

You can spend many a moment enjoying that frothy goodness my friends.
Actually, I have no friends.
Well, I do.
I just generally have to rent them.
By the hour.

So, if I go take a Microsoft exam on December 7th, do I bomb it or do I go to a Japanese restaurant after the exam and get bombed?
[Jetta] the later
Ya know, that would be a good name for a band. "The Later"
Coming up "The Later"
but first, "The Later"
We shall call our band "The Later"

So, I was thinking the first album from the band would be called "gun bullet head bang"
The sophmoric effort would be called something more subtle like "Still bangin' your mom"

My three year old made this foul, reaking stuff in her little potty earlier today.
We had to call Homeland Security, a priest, the Tidy Bowl man and waste management to come handle it.
It was bad.
I was like what do you feed the kid?
My wife was like, fish.

Slept about 12 hours, feel like I could sleep twelve more.
When I went to bed last night I told the wife to set the alarm to make sure I woke up in time to go to work on Monday morning.
I've been up, devoured a breakfast of pancakes and bacon and now feel like I'm ready to go back to bed.
I think that pillow over there and I have some issues to resolve, and I need to make my case known.

Well, I'm back.
The festival was fine.
Kids were out of tickets within a few minutes.
[Silicon] Battlemaxx: Did they eat them?
[Silicon] Kids do that. Sometimes
No, but we almost lost one up a nose.
But, thankfully the wife pulled it out of my nostril just in time.
Kid, not ticket, that is.

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Well, the fish for dinner was rather...well...let's say I miss the meatloaf.
Apparently crap, er carp is cheap so she buys nasty fish.
We don't save money.
No one eats it.
So, I suggested that we just not buy groceries at all instead of inedible crap.
The kids can eat at school a couple times a day and fill up before they come home, or something.

So, I get home and find the first graders wearing makeup.
Someone on the bus decided to "do" them.
I looked at them, looked at their mom and made a comment about which street corner I was supposed to stick them on tonight and that my wife should dress them warmly.
I'm in trouble.
I got sent to my room.
Which is okay with me.
The wife is making fish for dinner tonight.
I said, "Fish for dinner, eh?"
and followed with "What's for snack later?"
I'm in more trouble.

The three year old has set up camp in the "big bed", and declared martial law.
I better not cross Grand Marshal Elmo, or else the Teddy Bear Shock Troops will dispatch me.

I had a caller today, asked me "Did I call the right place?"
I said "I don't know, you dialed the phone."
My wife either loves me, or hates me.
She gave me a chicken tv dinner for lunch today.

The wife's dinner wasn't especially edible tonight.
I thought she went to the grocery store today.
Apparently the store was out of "food".
Either that or she went to the new grocery store "Craptown", or maybe she was in a hurry and went to "Craptown Express".
Do you think they sell Hot Pockets?
Either they were out of food, or she did the grocery shopping at AutoZone again.
When Warrant sang the song "Cherry Pie", for some reason I don't think they were speaking of the pastry filled with fruit.

My wife and I were having a contest earlier, we were trying to name 50 fruits.
My entry of "George Bush, supposed president" was rejected.

Had sauerkraut for dinner.
Wife said we were having german for dinner, I said I wouldn't mind a little german later, either. :)
Guess where her family is from... :)