My daughter just walked in and asked me to poke her butt.
I asked her why her mom never asks me that question.

I spend all day on the phone providing tech support.
So, people are wishing me "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" or some other type of sentiment.
I appreciate it, but I've decided I don't want to get in trouble in case I offend someone with my phrase of "May the Flying Spaghetti Monster endow you with empowerment and being" or "Festivus!".
So, my holiday greeting is going to be "May the Force be with you!"
It is non-denominational and it really helps if you are fighting a Sith Lord.

So, we're eating dinner at Bob Evans.
While we're waiting the kids are doing the little booklet that doubles as a menu and entertainment for them.
We get to the word search.
My wife laughs.
She looks at the word search.
I'm thinking she has found a dirty word.
Plain as day, right smack on the word search is the word "satan".
We laugh.
I debate making a scene since we're in the bible belt.
I decide against it.
But, I figure we have a movie plot on our hands.
After all, an anagram of Bob Evans is Save Bono.
So, I figure a god (not THE GOD) has probably given me a mission to SAVE BONO from SATAN!

I am glad there are laws.
Laws are there to protect people.
[Jetta] what ya do now?
Nothing.
Because there are laws.
Laws that protect a four year old from getting whacked in the middle of the library after throwing a hissy fit because she can't check out a Harlequin romance novel.
But, it was cool.
Santa was downstairs.
Her activity was reported.

So this guy at work today sounded like Truman Capote.
I would have to put him on hold so I could either laugh or mock.
It was great.
He couldn't understand how a web site named "xyzzy" could somehow update his secure information on doman called "abc123"
I finally said "Ever shop at Amazon.com?"
He said he did.
I said "What does something named amazon have to do with books?"
He said point taken and used the web site and we both got on with our lives.

Well, time for dinner.
It is loaf of meat.
My wife got the recipe from my mom.
Someone keep a phone handy.
I might need medical attention.
Or possibly a priest, or perhaps a good attorney.