tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-343653142024-02-28T18:24:49.273+01:00Random blatherings by BattlemaxxA blog with various funny comments/posts from Battlemaxx in an irc channel (chat channel).Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger343125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-52757181758188256632009-11-13T20:33:00.000+01:002009-11-13T20:34:18.097+01:00<jramskov> $1360 for plane ticket and hotel<div><jramskov> slightly cheaper than the $3200 price I found earlier </div><div><battlemaxx> With the money you save, you could get a hooker or gfe</div><div><div><jramskov> gfe?</div><div><battlemaxx> girlfriend experience</div><div><jramskov> ahh</div><div><battlemaxx> I read about it on a web site.</div><div><battlemaxx> I think that means she nags you, wants you to commit and makes you spend lots of money on her.</div><div><battlemaxx> She'll also alienate you from your friends, probably.</div><div><battlemaxx> But I'm not sure.</div></div>Siliconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13500310932084634365noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-14139875005630973762009-11-13T18:47:00.001+01:002009-11-13T18:50:00.644+01:00So, I was telling my wife how "shit my dad says" has been optioned for a tv series and a book and stuff.<div>She thinks you guys need to get off your asses and post funny stuff.</div><div>Then, she also thinks I need to come up with funny stuff.</div><div>So I told her that I'd have more material if she cooked more often.</div><div>I then drew her a map to the kitchen.</div>Siliconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13500310932084634365noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-62825151543621518802009-10-16T16:26:00.001+02:002009-10-16T16:26:22.130+02:00"The computer was upgraded to Office 2007 and now has stripes."<br /> <br />I love web tickets.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-69934838568895803342009-10-13T14:47:00.001+02:002009-10-13T14:47:38.045+02:00Customer puts in an online request for service, which requires their username and password to access the system.<br /> <br />The ticket: "Please send me my username."<br /> <br />Best. Ticket.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-80513268192900529352009-10-12T14:05:00.001+02:002009-10-12T14:05:50.283+02:00It is Monday morning.<br />I make the coffee.<br />I can't find any regular.<br />Everyone is getting decaf until further notice.<br />This is not a test.<br /> <br />Now I'm debating putting a sign up in the break room for this.<br />Nah, let 'em figure it out.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-44986130824409596782009-10-06T13:50:00.001+02:002009-10-06T13:50:32.236+02:00It is early, we've already got a pair of winners:<br /> <br />1) "How do I submit an online request for service?" -- submitted via, you guessed it, the online request for service site<br /> <br />2) "Neither of my monitors will display anything, and I am seeing several error messages about the network." -- Umm, okay. Either the first part isn't correct or you are having flashbacks causing the second or maybe the monitors won't display anything but network error messagesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-41922594443474558202009-08-28T00:25:00.001+02:002009-08-28T00:25:24.402+02:00I think Windows Vista had the interface designed by someone who sat at a Mac for 30 minutes and also heard about apt-get from a buddy down at the Circle K.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-12419996122682370322009-08-27T23:47:00.001+02:002009-08-27T23:47:35.455+02:00I got in trouble the other day, but the scenario is funnier if you use fast food as the example. <br /> <br />A customer walks into McDonald's and orders a Whopper. The cashier says we don't have Whoppers, but lets go get in my car and I'll drive you over to Burger King because that is what I have to do. The cashier takes the customer to Burger King, gets them their food and makes sure they are happy. Meanwhile, the customers at McDonald's are standing in line staring at a cash register with no cashier.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-87531408790873221032009-08-27T17:15:00.001+02:002009-08-27T17:15:28.557+02:00"My buddy Hobbes contacted me the other day.<br />She wanted me...<br />To update the blog.<br />Damn, this was better had I stopped at the second line."<br /> <br />kthxbaiUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-54619942608127146092009-06-07T19:21:00.000+02:002009-06-07T19:22:01.228+02:00Customer called in, said his computer was making a noises that sounded like a dying yak. My first thought was "How do you know what a dying yak sounds like?" then I started to ask "African or European yak?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-23683410737573130052009-03-03T23:03:00.001+01:002009-03-03T23:03:43.313+01:00She used wax paper because she was out of aluminum foil.<br />Now the oven is smoking.<br />Menthols, I think.Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-32976838409212199582009-02-27T22:40:00.002+01:002009-02-27T22:57:05.860+01:00So, there was an article about my company in a big magazine a couple of years ago. It wasn't favorable, and a co-worker just found it. <br />So, I explained that at least we weren't sub-contractors on the Death Star.My co-worker gets a puzzled look on his face and asks what is the Death Star. <br />I explain Star Wars, the Death Star, etc. to him. <br />He said he hasn't watch Star Wars.<br />I went and disabled his computer account and contacted HR.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-83531238316163405372009-02-11T22:48:00.003+01:002009-02-11T22:49:34.934+01:00Our support phone number ends up published in various places so occasionally we get oddball phone calls. Today I had a vendor that called, and with an accent told me "I have technology that we just<br />invented that could have prevented 9/11." <br /> <br />So, I'm thinking to myself either he hasn't mastered the language OR he has mastered time travel. I'm hoping for the latter.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-3433757552256976342009-01-26T17:15:00.003+01:002009-01-26T17:17:56.346+01:00So, Lewis Black has that comedy bit about the dumbest thing he had ever heard. A phrase along the lines of "If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college"<br /><br />Well, I defy you to find me a better ticket than this one:<br /><br />Customer submits a web incident requesting service because the "back" button has disappeared from her web browser.<br />She elaborates that she has restarted the browser, rebooted the system and the problem continues. Even includes a screenshot indicating where the button should be, and generally seems to be with it and done a few troubleshooting steps on her own.<br /><br />I call for follow-up, per our operating procedure. The customer tells me she resolved the incident. I thank her. She offers up that she was able to fix it by making sure her speakers were turned on. I confirmed that the "back" button was again appearing, she said yes but still had to work out the volume level but everything was fine. Again I made sure her browser was fine, and she was telling me about checking the speaker cables. I resolved the issue.<br /><br />Some day I should write a book.<br />If someone would send me crayons I could also have illustrations.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-46116484991556907522008-12-23T03:01:00.000+01:002008-12-23T03:02:03.069+01:00So, got my ass kicked in Yahtzee this weekend by my 88 year old aunt who has dementia.Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-41291682292954117272008-10-23T01:04:00.001+02:002008-10-23T01:04:37.713+02:00So, I thought I was training the wife.<br />When she made a good meal, I told her.<br />When it was tasty and there were leftovers I would take them to work, then tell her how I enjoyed them.<br />When she made a bad meal, I wouldn't comment on it.<br />I'd praise good, say nothing for bad.<br />When she'd take the bad stuff and make me lunch, I'd forget it at home several days, if necessary.<br />She hasn't been paying attention or doesn't care.<br />I'm thinking of a new rule.<br />Every bad meal means she has to have the sex with me.<br />That'll teach her.<br />I'll be fat and horny in weeks!Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-64418446717217767032008-09-21T16:24:00.000+02:002008-09-21T16:25:13.917+02:00So I sent a bag of marbles down to my wife with the youngest. I'd found the marbles while looking for my copy of Civ3. <br />I had the child ask my wife if she had lost 'em. <br />I think I am in trouble.Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-91778873049235300612008-09-15T19:55:00.000+02:002008-09-15T19:56:09.186+02:00McCain would be like jabbing yourself in the eye with a fork for the next four years.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-58766148312836170502008-09-12T23:01:00.001+02:002008-09-12T23:01:41.079+02:00McCain's selection of Palin makes Bush look like Einstein for choosing Quayle.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-45831902598524382332008-09-10T02:00:00.000+02:002008-09-10T02:01:13.238+02:00The wife cooked something, said it was dinner.<br />SHE LIED!<br />It was this nasty smelling and tasting fish.<br />Even the kids didn't want to try it.<br />She tried calling it "chicken nugget"<br />She insulted chicken nuggets, imo.<br />She went to her meeting tonight.<br />She asked if she should bring something home.<br />I said food.Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-36521451835523659112008-09-08T15:06:00.001+02:002008-09-08T15:06:29.288+02:00It is barely 9 a.m. and I think if I took 100 calls today I couldn't get one that topped this opening line...<br /> <br />"Can you help me? I accidentally terminated myself..."<br /> <br />I'm like did you accidentally trip, sign a letter of resignation and have it fly into your boss or something?<br /> <br />Or, do we have a secret "I QUIT" web site no one has told me about...<br /> <br />In any case, Best. Call. Today.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-23408744509009314462008-08-26T22:44:00.001+02:002008-08-26T22:44:52.401+02:00So, here is one for today:<br /> <br />"I can't login."<br />Yeah, your password has expired.<br />"Does that mean I have to change it?"<br />Yes, because it expired you'll need to set a new password.<br />"Well, I'm not going to change it just because it expired. I like my<br />password."<br /> <br />Here is what I said: Okay, suit yourself but you know what needs to be<br />done. Let us know if we can assist you further.<br />Here is what I wanted to say: Okay, suit yourself but with an expired<br />password you can't get into the system, access your e-mail or submit<br />your time. So I hope the password you enjoy so much is worth not<br />getting paid and losing your job. Airhead.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-12326492381978623762008-08-25T16:40:00.001+02:002008-08-25T16:40:46.543+02:00"It isn't working."<br />What isn't working?<br />"The thing."<br />What thing?<br />"My e-mail."<br />What is working about your e-mail?<br />"It just won't work."<br />Okay. It doesn't work. Do you get an error message, a prompt, a dialogue box or any indication of an issue?<br />"Yes."<br />Okay. What?<br />"Nothing happens."<br />Okay, reboot your computer.<br />"I did, nothing happens."<br />Okay. <br />...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-17732409661240593592008-08-13T02:09:00.000+02:002008-08-13T02:10:17.996+02:00You'll have some of the best sex ever, after you are married.<br />Mostly with yourself or your girlfriend, though.Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34365314.post-84343115430842856032008-07-24T02:19:00.000+02:002008-07-24T02:20:13.361+02:00At work today this guy was nuking his food.<br />It was a couple of veggie dishes that didn't look all that good.<br />I told him that if he was better at the sex his wife would make him better stuff for lunch.<br />He said I was probably right.<br />Later I smiled at him and said "Look, my wife packed cheesecake in my lunch!"<br />I came close to asking him why his wife kept sending me cupcakes and fruit rollups.<br />I was being nice.Jettahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736650628339444768noreply@blogger.com0