So, Lewis Black has that comedy bit about the dumbest thing he had ever heard. A phrase along the lines of "If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college"

Well, I defy you to find me a better ticket than this one:

Customer submits a web incident requesting service because the "back" button has disappeared from her web browser.
She elaborates that she has restarted the browser, rebooted the system and the problem continues. Even includes a screenshot indicating where the button should be, and generally seems to be with it and done a few troubleshooting steps on her own.

I call for follow-up, per our operating procedure. The customer tells me she resolved the incident. I thank her. She offers up that she was able to fix it by making sure her speakers were turned on. I confirmed that the "back" button was again appearing, she said yes but still had to work out the volume level but everything was fine. Again I made sure her browser was fine, and she was telling me about checking the speaker cables. I resolved the issue.

Some day I should write a book.
If someone would send me crayons I could also have illustrations.

So, got my ass kicked in Yahtzee this weekend by my 88 year old aunt who has dementia.

So, I thought I was training the wife.
When she made a good meal, I told her.
When it was tasty and there were leftovers I would take them to work, then tell her how I enjoyed them.
When she made a bad meal, I wouldn't comment on it.
I'd praise good, say nothing for bad.
When she'd take the bad stuff and make me lunch, I'd forget it at home several days, if necessary.
She hasn't been paying attention or doesn't care.
I'm thinking of a new rule.
Every bad meal means she has to have the sex with me.
That'll teach her.
I'll be fat and horny in weeks!

So I sent a bag of marbles down to my wife with the youngest. I'd found the marbles while looking for my copy of Civ3.
I had the child ask my wife if she had lost 'em.
I think I am in trouble.

McCain would be like jabbing yourself in the eye with a fork for the next four years.

McCain's selection of Palin makes Bush look like Einstein for choosing Quayle.

The wife cooked something, said it was dinner.
SHE LIED!
It was this nasty smelling and tasting fish.
Even the kids didn't want to try it.
She tried calling it "chicken nugget"
She insulted chicken nuggets, imo.
She went to her meeting tonight.
She asked if she should bring something home.
I said food.

It is barely 9 a.m. and I think if I took 100 calls today I couldn't get one that topped this opening line...

"Can you help me? I accidentally terminated myself..."

I'm like did you accidentally trip, sign a letter of resignation and have it fly into your boss or something?

Or, do we have a secret "I QUIT" web site no one has told me about...

In any case, Best. Call. Today.

So, here is one for today:

"I can't login."
Yeah, your password has expired.
"Does that mean I have to change it?"
Yes, because it expired you'll need to set a new password.
"Well, I'm not going to change it just because it expired. I like my
password."

Here is what I said: Okay, suit yourself but you know what needs to be
done. Let us know if we can assist you further.
Here is what I wanted to say: Okay, suit yourself but with an expired
password you can't get into the system, access your e-mail or submit
your time. So I hope the password you enjoy so much is worth not
getting paid and losing your job. Airhead.

"It isn't working."
What isn't working?
"The thing."
What thing?
"My e-mail."
What is working about your e-mail?
"It just won't work."
Okay. It doesn't work. Do you get an error message, a prompt, a dialogue box or any indication of an issue?
"Yes."
Okay. What?
"Nothing happens."
Okay, reboot your computer.
"I did, nothing happens."
Okay.
...