So, got my ass kicked in Yahtzee this weekend by my 88 year old aunt who has dementia.

So, I thought I was training the wife.
When she made a good meal, I told her.
When it was tasty and there were leftovers I would take them to work, then tell her how I enjoyed them.
When she made a bad meal, I wouldn't comment on it.
I'd praise good, say nothing for bad.
When she'd take the bad stuff and make me lunch, I'd forget it at home several days, if necessary.
She hasn't been paying attention or doesn't care.
I'm thinking of a new rule.
Every bad meal means she has to have the sex with me.
That'll teach her.
I'll be fat and horny in weeks!

So I sent a bag of marbles down to my wife with the youngest. I'd found the marbles while looking for my copy of Civ3.
I had the child ask my wife if she had lost 'em.
I think I am in trouble.

McCain would be like jabbing yourself in the eye with a fork for the next four years.

McCain's selection of Palin makes Bush look like Einstein for choosing Quayle.

The wife cooked something, said it was dinner.
SHE LIED!
It was this nasty smelling and tasting fish.
Even the kids didn't want to try it.
She tried calling it "chicken nugget"
She insulted chicken nuggets, imo.
She went to her meeting tonight.
She asked if she should bring something home.
I said food.

It is barely 9 a.m. and I think if I took 100 calls today I couldn't get one that topped this opening line...

"Can you help me? I accidentally terminated myself..."

I'm like did you accidentally trip, sign a letter of resignation and have it fly into your boss or something?

Or, do we have a secret "I QUIT" web site no one has told me about...

In any case, Best. Call. Today.

So, here is one for today:

"I can't login."
Yeah, your password has expired.
"Does that mean I have to change it?"
Yes, because it expired you'll need to set a new password.
"Well, I'm not going to change it just because it expired. I like my
password."

Here is what I said: Okay, suit yourself but you know what needs to be
done. Let us know if we can assist you further.
Here is what I wanted to say: Okay, suit yourself but with an expired
password you can't get into the system, access your e-mail or submit
your time. So I hope the password you enjoy so much is worth not
getting paid and losing your job. Airhead.

"It isn't working."
What isn't working?
"The thing."
What thing?
"My e-mail."
What is working about your e-mail?
"It just won't work."
Okay. It doesn't work. Do you get an error message, a prompt, a dialogue box or any indication of an issue?
"Yes."
Okay. What?
"Nothing happens."
Okay, reboot your computer.
"I did, nothing happens."
Okay.
...

You'll have some of the best sex ever, after you are married.
Mostly with yourself or your girlfriend, though.