So, today at work I was helping someone who used English as a fifth language apparently.
I was speaking with them, and pressing the "1" on my phone.
They asked me what the beeping was, and I said it was my phone.
They asked why it was making that noise.
I said I was pressing "1" for English.

Well, I tried to sniff the wife.
She whacked my nose with a rolled up newspaper.

The four year old is playing with an old Barbie corvette that once belonged to my wife.
The four year old has a Barbie in the passenger seat, and a stuffed hedgehog toy that belongs to the dog is behind the wheel.
Apparently the barbie doll likes it FREAKIE.

My four year old has figured out yet another way to torture me.
She runs after me trying to kiss me.
But, she does it while wearing coconut lip gloss.
I don't like coconut.

I figured out a way to get my wife to do the laundry and put it away.
I wear her underwear.
When she runs out, she launders stuff.
She sees me in 'em, and does two things.
Laundry and diet.

So, I have a new line to use.
Tonight I was like, "Can I have ice cream from Baskin Robbins?"
My wife said no.
I said "But my dad died today"
She then said yes.
So now I'm going to ask her for a puppy, and see if I have to play the trump card or not.

My four year old is funny.
Today she was over at my mom's place, and my mom leaves the room and comes back and finds my daughter bottomless.
The kid is over at the computer and mostly naked.
My mom asks her where her clothes went, and my daughter informs my mom that, and I quote "She can get more done on the computer like this"

So, we went shopping to look for me some clothes to wear for the visitation and funeral.
In honor of my dad we circled the parking lot for 45 minutes only to end up with a parking spot 7 cm closer than the one that was available as soon as we arrived.

We, the viewers of Battlemaxx, regret to inform you, our loyal readers, that Mr. Battlemaxx's father passed away today.

In lieu of flowers, Mr. Battlemaxx would like for all his loyal fans to surf some extra porn instead, thank you.

My daughter just said "Hey, look at all the sausage!"
I wonder what web site she is currently viewing, and if I should be concerned.