Uh oh, wife is taking her laptop apart.
I can't decide if this is troubleshooting or a new form of foreplay.
If I'm lucky, it'll be both!

Earlier today, I made a comment about how much weight I have gained since high school.
I said don't call me fat.
My three year old called me fat.
Well, she informed me I was fat.

Linux doesn't get crap like Windows.
Linux is clean.
Windows is a dirty, dirty whore.
Linux is sweet, virginal and pristine.
I have an unhackable machine.
It is sitting out in the garage.
Unplugged, offline and in pieces.
I dare you to hack it.

So, I had dinner at my mom's place tonight.
She must have used extra-strength "kill my son" capsules this time around.
I'd hardly finished dinner and the stomacy tremors began.

I'm back.
So, I'm walking around with the three year old on my shoulders.
She proceeds to insert her fingers into my nostrils.
I ask her to remove them.
She keeps digging, probing and jamming them in.
Finally, I tell her she can keep what she finds.
She ends up with seven dollars in singles, a container of lemon rind and a map of Albuquerque, NM.
But my sinuses now feel amazingly clear.

So, yesterday the three year old found a new way to consume cheerios.
My wife was upstairs, heard a commotion and went down to find the three year old upset.
The child had a large mass inside her nostril, well the skin was rather bumpy so something was amiss.
My wife looked, saw the cereal up her nose and ran to get the tweezers.
She got back, the lump was gone and the child was fine.
Wife asked the kid what happened, and how she got rid of the cereal and the kid showed her or made the sound for snorting.
So, the kid snorted o's.

I'm back.
I went to school.
Had lunch with the kids.
All 200 of them, it would seem.
By the way, do not hit on the teachers when your wife is present.
It makes for some awkward moments.
But if you use the kids bathroom it does make you feel like a giant.

Sprays the darn things, they keep coming back.
Come to think of it, she sprays me and I keep coming back.
She keeps saying she needs to have me sprayed.
Wait.
think I put an "r" in there that wasn't needed.

Earlier today, on the way home, I called my wife.
The three year old took the phone away from her and started babbling.
I hung up.
My wife called back.
I said if I wanted to deal with the mentality of a three year old I'd turn around, go back to work and take calls from our users.
Actually I shouldn't say that.
It insults my daughter.

So, a co-worker wore a very, very tight t-shirt to work today that totally revealed what they had.
I'm serious.
There are some things a 55 year old man shouldn't wear in public.