Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
So, I thought I was training the wife.
When she made a good meal, I told her.
When it was tasty and there were leftovers I would take them to work, then tell her how I enjoyed them.
When she made a bad meal, I wouldn't comment on it.
I'd praise good, say nothing for bad.
When she'd take the bad stuff and make me lunch, I'd forget it at home several days, if necessary.
She hasn't been paying attention or doesn't care.
I'm thinking of a new rule.
Every bad meal means she has to have the sex with me.
That'll teach her.
I'll be fat and horny in weeks!
When she made a good meal, I told her.
When it was tasty and there were leftovers I would take them to work, then tell her how I enjoyed them.
When she made a bad meal, I wouldn't comment on it.
I'd praise good, say nothing for bad.
When she'd take the bad stuff and make me lunch, I'd forget it at home several days, if necessary.
She hasn't been paying attention or doesn't care.
I'm thinking of a new rule.
Every bad meal means she has to have the sex with me.
That'll teach her.
I'll be fat and horny in weeks!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
It is barely 9 a.m. and I think if I took 100 calls today I couldn't get one that topped this opening line...
"Can you help me? I accidentally terminated myself..."
I'm like did you accidentally trip, sign a letter of resignation and have it fly into your boss or something?
Or, do we have a secret "I QUIT" web site no one has told me about...
In any case, Best. Call. Today.
"Can you help me? I accidentally terminated myself..."
I'm like did you accidentally trip, sign a letter of resignation and have it fly into your boss or something?
Or, do we have a secret "I QUIT" web site no one has told me about...
In any case, Best. Call. Today.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
So, here is one for today:
"I can't login."
Yeah, your password has expired.
"Does that mean I have to change it?"
Yes, because it expired you'll need to set a new password.
"Well, I'm not going to change it just because it expired. I like my
password."
Here is what I said: Okay, suit yourself but you know what needs to be
done. Let us know if we can assist you further.
Here is what I wanted to say: Okay, suit yourself but with an expired
password you can't get into the system, access your e-mail or submit
your time. So I hope the password you enjoy so much is worth not
getting paid and losing your job. Airhead.
"I can't login."
Yeah, your password has expired.
"Does that mean I have to change it?"
Yes, because it expired you'll need to set a new password.
"Well, I'm not going to change it just because it expired. I like my
password."
Here is what I said: Okay, suit yourself but you know what needs to be
done. Let us know if we can assist you further.
Here is what I wanted to say: Okay, suit yourself but with an expired
password you can't get into the system, access your e-mail or submit
your time. So I hope the password you enjoy so much is worth not
getting paid and losing your job. Airhead.
Monday, August 25, 2008
"It isn't working."
What isn't working?
"The thing."
What thing?
"My e-mail."
What is working about your e-mail?
"It just won't work."
Okay. It doesn't work. Do you get an error message, a prompt, a dialogue box or any indication of an issue?
"Yes."
Okay. What?
"Nothing happens."
Okay, reboot your computer.
"I did, nothing happens."
Okay.
...
What isn't working?
"The thing."
What thing?
"My e-mail."
What is working about your e-mail?
"It just won't work."
Okay. It doesn't work. Do you get an error message, a prompt, a dialogue box or any indication of an issue?
"Yes."
Okay. What?
"Nothing happens."
Okay, reboot your computer.
"I did, nothing happens."
Okay.
...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
At work today this guy was nuking his food.
It was a couple of veggie dishes that didn't look all that good.
I told him that if he was better at the sex his wife would make him better stuff for lunch.
He said I was probably right.
Later I smiled at him and said "Look, my wife packed cheesecake in my lunch!"
I came close to asking him why his wife kept sending me cupcakes and fruit rollups.
I was being nice.
It was a couple of veggie dishes that didn't look all that good.
I told him that if he was better at the sex his wife would make him better stuff for lunch.
He said I was probably right.
Later I smiled at him and said "Look, my wife packed cheesecake in my lunch!"
I came close to asking him why his wife kept sending me cupcakes and fruit rollups.
I was being nice.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
It is her wedding.
You think any different, you are wrong.
The wedding is for her.
The reception is for friends and family and the honeymoon is for the couple.
Some time later, you realize you were just there to facilitate all of it.
I got married so I could go to Disney World.
It turns out you don't have to go there just for a honeymoon.
You can also take her back there when she is knocked up.
You think any different, you are wrong.
The wedding is for her.
The reception is for friends and family and the honeymoon is for the couple.
Some time later, you realize you were just there to facilitate all of it.
I got married so I could go to Disney World.
It turns out you don't have to go there just for a honeymoon.
You can also take her back there when she is knocked up.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Some Days...
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
You come into work, the phones are already queued up so you know it is going to be rough.
Your first caller turns out to be as excited to be here as you are, and immediately starts griping.
So, the caller goes off about how they've been looking at instructions for an hour, clicked every link and read everything on the site about how to do this one thing.
I ask a couple of questions, and the customer lies.
I finally ask "Do you see the button at the very top with the big lettering that says 'First time users click here to get started?' and did you click it?"
They said no, click it, the app pops up and they act amazed and grumble.
I don't think this is funny, it is just more of life in the skewed Dilbertian Help Desk.
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
You come into work, the phones are already queued up so you know it is going to be rough.
Your first caller turns out to be as excited to be here as you are, and immediately starts griping.
So, the caller goes off about how they've been looking at instructions for an hour, clicked every link and read everything on the site about how to do this one thing.
I ask a couple of questions, and the customer lies.
I finally ask "Do you see the button at the very top with the big lettering that says 'First time users click here to get started?' and did you click it?"
They said no, click it, the app pops up and they act amazed and grumble.
I don't think this is funny, it is just more of life in the skewed Dilbertian Help Desk.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
I am afraid Scott Adams can't make up humor like this.
I got an e-mail telling me about an e-mail that was coming out about how to fix something.
I got an e-mail telling me to read the e-mail about the fix.
I got the fix e-mail.
I got an e-mail telling me to read the fix e-mail.
I am expecting an e-mail asking me if I read the e-mail telling me to read the e-mail that was about the fix.
I hope e-mail breaks.
I got an e-mail telling me about an e-mail that was coming out about how to fix something.
I got an e-mail telling me to read the e-mail about the fix.
I got the fix e-mail.
I got an e-mail telling me to read the fix e-mail.
I am expecting an e-mail asking me if I read the e-mail telling me to read the e-mail that was about the fix.
I hope e-mail breaks.
First call of the day...
Caller: "Umm, yeah I can't get into my e-mail, it says the password has expired. When I try to log into the system it says the password has expired and I need to change it. If I go to the web site, it says something about a password being expired. Is there a problem with my password and could it be expired?"
Me: *click* dial-tone
I think I have a case of "The Mondays".
Caller: "Umm, yeah I can't get into my e-mail, it says the password has expired. When I try to log into the system it says the password has expired and I need to change it. If I go to the web site, it says something about a password being expired. Is there a problem with my password and could it be expired?"
Me: *click* dial-tone
I think I have a case of "The Mondays".
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
My wife isn't smart.
She took two of the kids out to eat, while I stayed home with the one that was in trouble.
My wife didn't bring me home anything.
So, I haven't eaten.
She asked me why I didn't eat with the one.
I said I wasn't a prisoner, and thought I'd get a treat like the others that got to go free.
She took two of the kids out to eat, while I stayed home with the one that was in trouble.
My wife didn't bring me home anything.
So, I haven't eaten.
She asked me why I didn't eat with the one.
I said I wasn't a prisoner, and thought I'd get a treat like the others that got to go free.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
My four year old is funny.
Today she was over at my mom's place, and my mom leaves the room and comes back and finds my daughter bottomless.
The kid is over at the computer and mostly naked.
My mom asks her where her clothes went, and my daughter informs my mom that, and I quote "She can get more done on the computer like this"
Today she was over at my mom's place, and my mom leaves the room and comes back and finds my daughter bottomless.
The kid is over at the computer and mostly naked.
My mom asks her where her clothes went, and my daughter informs my mom that, and I quote "She can get more done on the computer like this"
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
I was giving the dog some of our leftovers from dinner.
Elwood, the dog, is good at catching stuff thrown or dropped.
So, I'm dropping some fish into her food bowl.
She gets wise, and decides to snipe a piece as it falls.
It falls, she goes for it and noses it.
Right into her water bowl.
So, she looks into the bowl, looks up at me as if to say "You go get it!"
Elwood, the dog, is good at catching stuff thrown or dropped.
So, I'm dropping some fish into her food bowl.
She gets wise, and decides to snipe a piece as it falls.
It falls, she goes for it and noses it.
Right into her water bowl.
So, she looks into the bowl, looks up at me as if to say "You go get it!"
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
So someone called today, needed help with a password reset.
They call up and say something about having password problems and they can't login.
So, me being the person who is probably going to help them ask them the most obvious question "What system?"
I am met with silence, a long breath, another long pause and finally "How the hell am I supposed to know?"
They call up and say something about having password problems and they can't login.
So, me being the person who is probably going to help them ask them the most obvious question "What system?"
I am met with silence, a long breath, another long pause and finally "How the hell am I supposed to know?"
Monday, February 11, 2008
Thursday, February 07, 2008
So, I woke up this morning and felt awful so I called off.
I came back to bed and found the dog in my spot.
She went for the warm spot.
Warm dog.
So, I tried to find a spot on the bed for me.
I took the dog's spot.
I woke up at one point only a few inches from the rear of the basset hound.
She, umm, how do I phrase this...
She "tooted" right then, I nearly gagged, passed out and choked.
I'm guessing she has had her revenge upon some past transgression I've done upon her.
I came back to bed and found the dog in my spot.
She went for the warm spot.
Warm dog.
So, I tried to find a spot on the bed for me.
I took the dog's spot.
I woke up at one point only a few inches from the rear of the basset hound.
She, umm, how do I phrase this...
She "tooted" right then, I nearly gagged, passed out and choked.
I'm guessing she has had her revenge upon some past transgression I've done upon her.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
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