So, Corporate IT Communications sent out a mass e-mail.
When they do that it basically reminds all the dorks, idiots, fools and morons that there is a help desk and how to reach us.
So, the phones rang this afternoon with people who've had problems for months but couldn't bang the digits on the phone to make it dial.
It was fun.
One person was asked if they read the memo or just scrolled to the bottom and dialed the phone number.

So, the three year old yells out "I pooped" after she goes and makes the poop.
It is here signal for "Hey dad, come wipe my butt!"
I hope she grows out of it.
No way I'm doing that for when she's in college.

Well, the wife proposed a snack.
She claimed it was cake.
I took a bite, asked her what it was, and she said "Cake, what do you think it is?"
I said "Exhibit #1" in the abuse case.
She wasn't happy with me.

I need to pull enough overtime (for now) to pay for daycare.
I figure if I did it for a day or two and started not coming home until 8:30 at night that my wife would let me back off.
But, when I mentioned it and she thought overtime would be a good idea I asked her how much drinking or medication I'd require to pull it off.

We've got your tombstone picked out, as well.
It'll read "Jetta. He died a virgin."
The runner-up was "Jetta. He almost kissed a girl that one time."
Someone wanted to add "but the girl was actually a dude!" but the rest of us thought it was in bad taste.

Well, time to wander off.
Wife is cooking bacon.
She must be trying to get me in the mood.
or, clog up my arteries.

So, I'm sitting here.
Apparently I've got lotion.
and I've got tissue.
Now all I need is some porn.
Without porn it is mostly like every night back in high school.

It is Valentine's Day.
I told the wife what she was getting for Valentine's Day.
I promised her I would drug myself up so I'd be asleep before she came to bed.

I was at the mall with one of the kids the other day.
We got separated.
Luckily a police officer was nearby and found my daughter.
The officer said to my girl "What's he like?"
My daughter said "Pepsi and women with big boobs"
I love my kids.
They're awesome.

I work all day and have to take calls and all my friends have left the company, so I come here expecting to be able to socialize and instead I am greeted with quiet.
If I wanted awkward silence I'd sit with my wife.

So the three year old got mad at my wife the other day.
She said she was going to sell off her mommy and get a new one.
I offered the kid $2 for the mommy.
I won!
I think I got a bargain.
'cept my wife said that even though I bought her she still isn't going to listen to me.
I asked the three year old about a refund, she declined.

So the losers didn't hire me.
Now I have to enlist them in the military as an act of revenge.
It bothers me.
I nailed that interview.
I'm qualified and I would have been good at.
Maybe when I said "I hate people and will destroy all mankind" during the interview it didn't help me as much as I thought.

This just in!
The wife is applying for a job.

We had makeup sex.
Well, she put on makeup.
Then she had sex.
I think.
I couldn't tell.
She had the door closed.
But, I could hear noises.

So, when I'm not taking calls at my job and off on a special project I have to take notes and report them to the lead and the manager.
Today I was in a meeting and in the notes to them I wrote "So and so spent 20 minutes rambling about permissions to something that will be removed before go-live, then didn't notice when we interrupted him to point out that we didn't need the functionality and it wasn't going into the next build."
I'm hoping they'll read stuff.
I also included my recipe for "mock cereal" in the meeting minutes.

Well, the bait shop in the mall closed up, guess I have to drive to Lexington if I want me some sushi.
Or, I have to go catch it myself.
Battlemaxx gotta eat.
Wife burned the bacon tonight.
She decided it was healthier for me, figured I wouldn't eat it.
I proved her right.
800 degrees Fahrenheit is not an appropriate oven temperature to cook with, me thinks.

Wife and I are fighting.
She made fish for dinner.
I'm hoping to die in my sleep.
The usual.

We were supposed to get snow.
Didn't get any.
We were supposed to get more snow.
Didn't get any.
The wife promised me sex.
Didn't get any.
Do you see the trend here?