ok wife made dinner
or, as someone such as myself might call it, the crap I'm having tomorrow on my lunch break that I didn't care for last night
or something along those lines.
I got all excited, she said she was making mac and cheese.
She lied.
She made some sort of pasta or shell and goop stuff.

[Silicon] regarding the lunch blog post...
Geez, everyone is a critic.
The guy at work asked me about it, as well.
I told him the wife is on a cold streak.
She can cook well, but lately she is making McDonald's look like gourmet.
I don't know what her deal is, but I'll ask her and we'll go from there.
But, usually my asking is something like "Do I make enough money to buy groceries?" to which she replies "No, not really."
From there it becomes something like me telling her to start to cook or else I'm going to eat on the way home.
and, she usually starts making better stuff.

then later:
I've never wanted to hang up on a group of callers as I have the recent three.
"My boss said his Blackberry doesn't work and wants me to call so you can fix it." -- Umm, what's wrong with it? "I don't know, he said it doesn't work right."
Guy calls, sounds like he is calling from metal shop, and I tell him I can't hear him.
Another guy calls, tells me his account is locked then proceeds to read the EPHD one time numbers off to me. He rattles off 20 or more before I can stop him.

I sent this to a co-worker earlier:
Every day I die a little bit more:
Today I've had the following calls:
"When I cable my Blackberry up to my computer, it says device connected. Why is that?"
I'm on the order page to order a Blackberry, do I need to fill out the form if I want to order a Blackberry?"
"My mouse doesn't work."
I'm dying here.

I was telling my wife that the cubicle life is like an isolation chamber for me and by the end of the day I crave human contact and just want to have a normal conversation with someone.
[Jetta] then you come here?! O_o
True.

I made a comment out loud that someone was getting lucky tonight.
One of my daughters asked who.
I said "Me!"
The daughter asked why I was getting lucky.
I said "I get to sleep with mommy tonight!"
My daughter said "That's not lucky, you get to do that every night!" and was disappointed that it wasn't something cool.

I was heading to bed, but then the wife said my girlfriend had to go home.
So, that kind of nixed the bed plan.
[...]
Yeah, it was kind of weird.
I'd bring a date home, we'd be making out and then it would get weird with the wife sitting at the other end of the couch staring at us kind of awkwardly.

So, have we made $2 on the blog, yet.
I want to spend my share on porn.
I know my share wouldn't be much, but I wouldn't need much porn.
er, I mean.
Nevermind.

I took the six year olds to cheer practice.
It is not recommended that you yell out "Shake your moneymakers" to them during their dance routine.

My wife made "monkey bread" for dessert.
She didn't use fresh monkey. :(

Yo!
I am renaming lunch to something more descriptive like "that meal made up of the crap you had last night and didn't like the first time around"

I just got back from Wal-Mart.
We've got culture there.
Southern culture...
...on the skids...
You ever feel bad about yourself, go to Wal-Mart.
Someone there is worse off than you.
Guaranteed.
If you're a dyslexic, anorexic, one-eyed ex-Gestapo amputee, they've got an albino, dyslexic, anorexic, one-eyed ex-Gestapo amputee somewhere in the store.
If you're obese, they've got someone there twice your size carrying around a Big Gulp and the economy 55 lb. drum of dorito chips.

Uh oh, the wife is trying to get me in the mood.
She just brought me KFC.

I've played a bit of WoW.
I want to be a Chinese gold farmer when I grow up.

[Aka] how would you pronounce ASRock? would you say A.S Rock ? or Azrock? or would you say it like I do, Assrock?
Assrock.
I'm not sure if it sounds like some kind of anal-sex avant-garde performance group, a cool title for a band, or maybe just what my wife's butt does...

A friend of mine was served at the drive thru the other day by some dude with a big OUTLAW tattoo on his arm.
My buddy was like, "Hell yeah! Raising hell at Mickey Dee's, throw out some extra salt packets and napkins be damned. I'M AN OUTLAW!"

Man, I've got to get the wife to stop putting her pictures up on the Internet.
Well, at least the free sites.
We need the income.

So, while at McDonald's the guy who waited on me was "goth". All black, all black nails, all black hair, etc, etc.
I thought it was funny.
You're goth, and you're selling burgers for the man.
You gotta eat, I guess.

So the twins got their report cards for the first time for first grade today.
They brought them home, we looked them over.
My wife and I decided that as a treat we would take them out to dinner because they did so well on them.
One girl is doing well in math, the other with reading.
In any case, we told them we'd go out and they could pick.
So, the two conferenced with their younger sister and picked McDonald's as the restaurant of choice.
I told my wife we're not helping them with their homework any more.

Going on a job interview is like urinating in your bath tub, it takes care of something but leaves a mess someone has to deal with

So this guy at work is going as me for Halloween.
He's giving up bathing, and shaving, and washing his hair and is going to wear the same shirt to work for several days at a time in preparation.
I don't get it.

I have decided I am going to answer the phone at work "King of Norway, what does my loyal subject request?"
I think it flows better.

I tried to make my wife laugh today.
I went for the cheap laugh.
I dropped my pants.
I guess you could say I might have made a "small" joke.

The wife and kids are going to her parents tomorrow for the rest of the week.
The wife decided to cook and leave me some food so my mom wouldn't give her a hard time.
I pointed out to my wife that leaving stuff for me to eat implied it was edible in the first place.
This did not sit well with her.
Her lasagna didn't sit well with me, either.
She was like "It'll be better after it sits."
I'm thinking, it'll be gone after you're gone.
The dog is lucky, she is going with them and won't have to survive on the lasagna while "mommy" is gone.
My wife was like "I'm leaving food for you while we're gone." and I was like "Taco Bell?"
She told me I couldn't go out while they were gone.
Party at my place while they are gone.
Be sure to bring food, though.

Don't you hate it when you have a 15 minute break and an 18 minute poop-a-thon

Yo!
So, my mom sent me e-mail. She wants to make sure I don't starve while the wife is out of town.
My mom isn't much of a cook, though.
She thinks fabric softener is an ingredient in meatloaf.
I think she gave me food poisoning twice while I was living with her, but lost count.
Well, I don't think she gave it to me so much as made it available.

My wife lost out, all the other womenz got together and said "Look, someone has to marry him. We got together and picked you. So, you take him out of the loop and we'll make it up to you later."
She's still waiting.
She checks her e-mail, the mailbox and phone all the time.
She calls them, they don't call her back.

Time to duct tape up the kids and go out with the wife.

If a three year old runs up to you and licks you, it is kind of a novelty and cute.
A little icky, but not bad.
If grandma runs up to you and licks you, it's just pretty disgusting.

Yo!
If a three year old runs bottomless through Wal-Mart, it is kind of cute and funny.
If grandma does it, it is sad and there is a pretty good chance law enforcement will get involved.

My three year old was yelling at me and treating me poorly.
I told her to stop, that she was doing mommy's job.

It's customer awareness week, or maybe customer service week or some such nonsense.
Monday was red and purple day.
Today was hawaiian shirt day.
Tomorrow is cowboy day.
Thursday is hillbilly day and Friday is red shirt day.
Tomorrow I'm just going to walk around going "I can't quit you, [yournamehere] " to people since I don't have a cowboy outfit.
I asked if one of the days was "take a call, do a shot" day.
They sent me back to talk to HR.

We should take up a collection and buy him a woman.
or, rent him one.
or maybe find him one that is rent to own
I'm on the rent to own plan, I think.
She won't tell me the terms of the agreement, though.
So, I never know for sure.

If the wife doesn't tell you the rules, then she can yell at you when you break them or don't follow them.
It is written in the Geneva convention, I do believe.