"The computer was upgraded to Office 2007 and now has stripes."

I love web tickets.

Customer puts in an online request for service, which requires their username and password to access the system.

The ticket: "Please send me my username."

Best. Ticket.

It is Monday morning.
I make the coffee.
I can't find any regular.
Everyone is getting decaf until further notice.
This is not a test.

Now I'm debating putting a sign up in the break room for this.
Nah, let 'em figure it out.

It is early, we've already got a pair of winners:

1) "How do I submit an online request for service?" -- submitted via, you guessed it, the online request for service site

2) "Neither of my monitors will display anything, and I am seeing several error messages about the network." -- Umm, okay. Either the first part isn't correct or you are having flashbacks causing the second or maybe the monitors won't display anything but network error messages

I think Windows Vista had the interface designed by someone who sat at a Mac for 30 minutes and also heard about apt-get from a buddy down at the Circle K.

I got in trouble the other day, but the scenario is funnier if you use fast food as the example.

A customer walks into McDonald's and orders a Whopper. The cashier says we don't have Whoppers, but lets go get in my car and I'll drive you over to Burger King because that is what I have to do. The cashier takes the customer to Burger King, gets them their food and makes sure they are happy. Meanwhile, the customers at McDonald's are standing in line staring at a cash register with no cashier.

"My buddy Hobbes contacted me the other day.
She wanted me...
To update the blog.
Damn, this was better had I stopped at the second line."

kthxbai

Customer called in, said his computer was making a noises that sounded like a dying yak. My first thought was "How do you know what a dying yak sounds like?" then I started to ask "African or European yak?"

She used wax paper because she was out of aluminum foil.
Now the oven is smoking.
Menthols, I think.

So, there was an article about my company in a big magazine a couple of years ago. It wasn't favorable, and a co-worker just found it.
So, I explained that at least we weren't sub-contractors on the Death Star.My co-worker gets a puzzled look on his face and asks what is the Death Star.
I explain Star Wars, the Death Star, etc. to him.
He said he hasn't watch Star Wars.
I went and disabled his computer account and contacted HR.