"The computer was upgraded to Office 2007 and now has stripes."

I love web tickets.

Customer puts in an online request for service, which requires their username and password to access the system.

The ticket: "Please send me my username."

Best. Ticket.

It is Monday morning.
I make the coffee.
I can't find any regular.
Everyone is getting decaf until further notice.
This is not a test.

Now I'm debating putting a sign up in the break room for this.
Nah, let 'em figure it out.

It is early, we've already got a pair of winners:

1) "How do I submit an online request for service?" -- submitted via, you guessed it, the online request for service site

2) "Neither of my monitors will display anything, and I am seeing several error messages about the network." -- Umm, okay. Either the first part isn't correct or you are having flashbacks causing the second or maybe the monitors won't display anything but network error messages