$1360 for plane ticket and hotel

slightly cheaper than the $3200 price I found earlier

With the money you save, you could get a hooker or gfe

gfe?

girlfriend experience

ahh

I read about it on a web site.

I think that means she nags you, wants you to commit and makes you spend lots of money on her.

She'll also alienate you from your friends, probably.

But I'm not sure.

So, I was telling my wife how "shit my dad says" has been optioned for a tv series and a book and stuff.

She thinks you guys need to get off your asses and post funny stuff.

Then, she also thinks I need to come up with funny stuff.

So I told her that I'd have more material if she cooked more often.

I then drew her a map to the kitchen.

"The computer was upgraded to Office 2007 and now has stripes."

I love web tickets.

Customer puts in an online request for service, which requires their username and password to access the system.

The ticket: "Please send me my username."

Best. Ticket.

It is Monday morning.
I make the coffee.
I can't find any regular.
Everyone is getting decaf until further notice.
This is not a test.

Now I'm debating putting a sign up in the break room for this.
Nah, let 'em figure it out.

It is early, we've already got a pair of winners:

1) "How do I submit an online request for service?" -- submitted via, you guessed it, the online request for service site

2) "Neither of my monitors will display anything, and I am seeing several error messages about the network." -- Umm, okay. Either the first part isn't correct or you are having flashbacks causing the second or maybe the monitors won't display anything but network error messages

I think Windows Vista had the interface designed by someone who sat at a Mac for 30 minutes and also heard about apt-get from a buddy down at the Circle K.

I got in trouble the other day, but the scenario is funnier if you use fast food as the example.

A customer walks into McDonald's and orders a Whopper. The cashier says we don't have Whoppers, but lets go get in my car and I'll drive you over to Burger King because that is what I have to do. The cashier takes the customer to Burger King, gets them their food and makes sure they are happy. Meanwhile, the customers at McDonald's are standing in line staring at a cash register with no cashier.

"My buddy Hobbes contacted me the other day.
She wanted me...
To update the blog.
Damn, this was better had I stopped at the second line."

kthxbai

Customer called in, said his computer was making a noises that sounded like a dying yak. My first thought was "How do you know what a dying yak sounds like?" then I started to ask "African or European yak?"

She used wax paper because she was out of aluminum foil.
Now the oven is smoking.
Menthols, I think.

So, there was an article about my company in a big magazine a couple of years ago. It wasn't favorable, and a co-worker just found it.
So, I explained that at least we weren't sub-contractors on the Death Star.My co-worker gets a puzzled look on his face and asks what is the Death Star.
I explain Star Wars, the Death Star, etc. to him.
He said he hasn't watch Star Wars.
I went and disabled his computer account and contacted HR.

Our support phone number ends up published in various places so occasionally we get oddball phone calls. Today I had a vendor that called, and with an accent told me "I have technology that we just
invented that could have prevented 9/11."

So, I'm thinking to myself either he hasn't mastered the language OR he has mastered time travel. I'm hoping for the latter.

So, Lewis Black has that comedy bit about the dumbest thing he had ever heard. A phrase along the lines of "If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college"

Well, I defy you to find me a better ticket than this one:

Customer submits a web incident requesting service because the "back" button has disappeared from her web browser.
She elaborates that she has restarted the browser, rebooted the system and the problem continues. Even includes a screenshot indicating where the button should be, and generally seems to be with it and done a few troubleshooting steps on her own.

I call for follow-up, per our operating procedure. The customer tells me she resolved the incident. I thank her. She offers up that she was able to fix it by making sure her speakers were turned on. I confirmed that the "back" button was again appearing, she said yes but still had to work out the volume level but everything was fine. Again I made sure her browser was fine, and she was telling me about checking the speaker cables. I resolved the issue.

Some day I should write a book.
If someone would send me crayons I could also have illustrations.