So, here is one for today:

"I can't login."
Yeah, your password has expired.
"Does that mean I have to change it?"
Yes, because it expired you'll need to set a new password.
"Well, I'm not going to change it just because it expired. I like my
password."

Here is what I said: Okay, suit yourself but you know what needs to be
done. Let us know if we can assist you further.
Here is what I wanted to say: Okay, suit yourself but with an expired
password you can't get into the system, access your e-mail or submit
your time. So I hope the password you enjoy so much is worth not
getting paid and losing your job. Airhead.

"It isn't working."
What isn't working?
"The thing."
What thing?
"My e-mail."
What is working about your e-mail?
"It just won't work."
Okay. It doesn't work. Do you get an error message, a prompt, a dialogue box or any indication of an issue?
"Yes."
Okay. What?
"Nothing happens."
Okay, reboot your computer.
"I did, nothing happens."
Okay.
...

You'll have some of the best sex ever, after you are married.
Mostly with yourself or your girlfriend, though.