I just had a customer ask me if lower case was the same as small upper case letters. I honestly didn't know how to respond. So I said "uurrr" or something equally intelligent.

It is definitely Monday.

I told my wife I wished she was a pothead.
That way we'd always have better and more snacks around the house.

So, today at work I was helping someone who used English as a fifth language apparently.
I was speaking with them, and pressing the "1" on my phone.
They asked me what the beeping was, and I said it was my phone.
They asked why it was making that noise.
I said I was pressing "1" for English.

Well, I tried to sniff the wife.
She whacked my nose with a rolled up newspaper.