We have a password reset page that gives you two options.
One says "If you are on the corporate network, the other says if you are on a remote machine and not on the corporate network."
Someone called, asked me what option to pick if they were working remotely from home and weren't on the corporate network.
At least they knew their username.

The other day the two older kids wouldn't play with their little sister.
The youngest came in crying about it.
So, I went out to see what was happening.
The twins said they didn't have time to play with her, that they were busy.
I said they should play with their sister and include her.
I told the little one that if her sisters were mean to her that she'd go get ice cream and they'd stay home.
The two older ones played with her, had fun and all had an enjoyable time.
Later I asked each my older two if they were mean or nice, they each said nice.
I asked the youngest one if her sisters were mean or nice to her.
She said "MEAN! I GET ICE CREAM!"
Smart kid.

A customer called in earlier today for their account info, got their username and password.
The customer called back.
They can't get logged into the system for the first time.
The username and/or password doesn't work.
I verify their identify, and then confirm the username.
I spell the username out for them. The seem to accept it.
They try to login, it doesn't work.
I change the password, give the new password and confirm the username (again).
It doesn't work for them.
I ask to login as them, it works for me.
The customer finally says that the username I gave them was wrong and they were using the right one.
They didn't like the one we assigned them and thought it should be something different.
I wonder how you can support the irrational.

So my daughter was doing her homework.
She was writing a brief story about something.
She stopped.
She looked at me.
She said "Dad, my periods are messy."
And I thought "Yeah, just wait honey. Just wait."

A customer calls up with a problem with a Blackberry.
I give him the simple fix.
He says that won't fix the issue.
I asked him to try it, and why he thought it wouldn't resolve his issue when it works for so many others.
He said he didn't know why, but he knew that it wouldn't resolve his issue.
He refuses to try the simple/quick fix.
I ask him what will fix the issue.
He said he didn't know, but he figured he would call us.
Again I suggested he try the proven solution.
He won't budge.
I ask him why he called us if he doesn't want to fix the problem and what he wants us to do.
He asks for my manager so he can complain.
I ask him for his manager so I can complain about him.
He says he'll hang up, I don't know who he is and he'll try something else.
I repeat his name, his employee information, his phone number and office address back to him and thank him for calling.
He asks how I have all that, I said you gave it to us when you gave us your employee number when you called in.
He got quiet.
He tried the solution.
His device started working.
He thanked me.
I'm going to send him flowers.

Customer: (five minute rant about passwords, security, stupid requirements omitted). "What can I do about this?"
Me: (after listening to them whine for far too long) *thinking* "Resign?"

So I'm sitting in my cube and someone is being smart for a Monday and says "Great news! Only 8 hours until you get to go home." I turned, looked at 'em and said "Even better news! 23 hours until we get to come back and do this all over again." Mondays.

Battlemaxx thought this poster couold be applied to this blog.

I'm back.
I went to get the pizza.
I pull up to the pizza place, go in to pick up the order.
I ask for the call-in/carry-out, and they can't find it.
I'm like "WTF you can't find it? We called it in 20 minutes ago. Where's my pizza."
So after a while I end up with a couple of free pizzas, bread sticks, and soda.
I won. They messed up.
I get home.
I carry the stuff in, and the wife asks me why I have Donato's pizza stuff.
I'm like "It is where we get pizza from all the time".
She's like not this time, we had a coupon for Pizza Hut.
Yeah, I held up a store by being an ass.
Next time I'm trying it at a car dealership.

Okay, so Tuesdays are trash days.
The wife was up, and she bagged the trash. I said I would walk it down to the street before I left.
So, I took the trash out and walked down the hill from our townhouse to the street.
We don't have trash bins, so we all just leave our trash bags in a pile by the driveway and street.
I wind up and fling one of the bags of trash, as I release it I notice something moving amongst the bags already there.
I figure it is a raccoon, or maybe a cat. No big deal.
I toss the second bag, and it is targeted for the critter.
As it is about to make contact I realize it is a skunk.
A damned skunk was in the trash.
It turns towards me, and comes running.
I take off.
I have a skunk after me.
I run up the hill, and into the garage.
I'm wheezing, panting, and laughing and hoping the damned thing didn't follow me into the garage.
It didn't.
I got into the house, sweat is dripping off me, I'm panting and the wife freaks out because she thinks I've had a heart attack or something from just a little bit of effort.
I tell her.
She laughs at me.
I thought it was funny.
It would have been the perfect excuse to call off work.
"Umm Mike, I can't make it today. Yeah. I know. I got sprayed by a skunk. I have to be hosed off now."
Then I figured fsck it. If I had gotten sprayed, I would just go to work all smelly and they could deal with it.

One of my daughters, one of the 2nd graders, announced to us tonight at dinner that she has a boyfriend and that she loves him.
I am not prepared for this.
I do not own a shotgun.
I asked my daughter what his intentions were towards her.
I figure I am okay, though.
She doesn't really like him. She didn't kick him in the shin then turn and run.

My wife was complaining that we eat out too much.
I told her that we eat out so much because that is where the food is located.

A caller at work today called, said that her VPN was working.
I asked if there was an error message.
She said "How the hell should I know?"
I replied with a comment that she called about a problem, we were going to troubleshoot it and if we were to resolve the issue we would have to work together and I would need some information.
She said let me try to VPN.
She tried, she got in, she hung up.
I love my job.

So, this guy posts our first comment to the blog.
I was debating whether it was inappropriate or not.
I'm a fan of free speech.
So, I'm just going to assume that he wants me to find a nice cat some time soon.
Joke is on him, though.
I don't care for cats.
Unless we're talking chinese takeout.